Pride Month

It’s weird, but I really do forget how recently I actually came out. This is only my second June to be completely out there living a super gay life. In 2015 I was separated from my ex-husband, and knew which direction I was headed, but most the world did not. Last year Terra and I did go on the Lake Coeur d’Alene Pride Cruise, went to Spokane Pride with my littles, and then went to Seattle Pride. We had only been together three months, but she asked me to go to Seattle Pride with her within our first couple of days talking to each other. I also moved in with her last June.

Last Pride Month (also referred to as “June” by straight people) I was still getting my bearings. I was adjusting to being so out. I was learning about Pride. I was mourning and yet anxious over Pulse. Hell, I was still getting to know Terra, figuring her out and deciphering her Pride style. At the events we attended, we were also watching out for ex gfs, balancing friends, meeting people, and otherwise just not fully engaged on ourselves.

This year is so different. We both know what we want and verbalize that to each other. We typically agree, but have no problems checking out whatever the other is interested in. if she wants to go to the Seattle Pride White Party and I want to raise a sign at the Dyke March, we’ll do both. And enjoy both. We had a blast at this year’s Pride Cruise on Lake Coeur d’Alene. It didn’t seem as packed at last year but I just really enjoy that event. We had glorious weather and it’s a fantastic kick-off to summer and Pride. Rainbows and sunshine and beer and friends out on the Lake, what could be better?!

My friend (and maid of honor!) Holly came up and joined us. She is the BEST at making sure to take lots and lots of pictures. I should be way better at it, but at least I have her. And she always ends up getting some good ones of Terra and me. They aren’t always posed, but she even buzzed on cheap beer and armed with just her phone, she captures the joy and love between us. Proof:pride cruise kisspride cruise laure and terrapride cruise 2017 2

Maybe this last one seems like an odd pick. We don’t even know we are being photographed, but that’s just it. We are just so into each other we aren’t even aware of Holl’s shenanigans. You can’t fully see our faces, but you can tell exactly how we are looking at each other. The way Terra has her hand on me just makes me swoon.

This last week it was Spokane Pride. You guys, we were supposed to march at the very front. I ruined that by losing my things and thus causing us to be completely late, but that’s my life. :/ We still made it to wander around and gay it up in not only Terra’s rainbow hair, but also my own. spokane pride

I’ll update you all as more Pride things come along, but just know this year, we are doing Pride exactly right and LOVING it. Happy Pride month. signoff

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Siblings Reunited

I grew up in a very strongly conservative family –  Southern, republican, god-fearin’, church-attending, small town folks. I could go on all day telling you the details of exactly how conservative I mean, but I think you get the idea. My coming out wasn’t exactly warmly received. Or at least I thought it wasn’t at first. Don’t get me wrong, my parents are highly displeased and I don’t see them recanting those stances anytime soon.

As the oldest of nine kids (yeah…), most of my siblings belong to a younger generation. A generation with plenty of problems of their own, but a more open and accepting generation. Each of my 5 sisters checked on me regularly reminding me they loved me and wanted me to find my happiness. One sister I never had much of a good relationship with at all,  suddenly was texting me wishing we could be closer and we together we rebuilt (or built, rather) a good relationship.

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My siblings and I at Dillon’s wedding, 2012

But then there are the brothers. Of all 8 siblings, it’s only my two oldest brothers who don’t live in Texas. One lives in Virginia. And one, Dillon, the one I was always closest to growing up, lives just 15 or 20 miles from Terra and me. This is the brother I grew up singing with, covering for, and venting to. Often we were jointly punished for having a “sibling clique.” Later we went to college together, scheduled classes together, and his closest friends became like extra little brothers. He’s fun and hilarious and bold. He’s also highly opinionated and always had a streak of homophobia. . After he moved away to follow his wife to grad school, we saw each other less frequently and didn’t communicate a lot beyond that. After she finished grad school they moved to Coeur d’Alene and I didn’t make the trek up often. Now that I have moved up here as well, I have been both excited and dreading meeting up with them.We grabbed lunch once and it seemed strained. Since I fully settled in up here, I have tried most weekends to catch them. And by try, i mean texted and rarely followed up beyond the first couple of texts. Until last weekend. Terra and I had no real plans, but there was karaoke just a bit down the road from my little bro’s place, so sent him a quick invite.

When Terra and I arrived at the bar with our friend Joanne, I swear to god I (we) collected more blatant stares than I have in my short little out life. I felt a bit like perhaps we had gotten a touch to close to Aryan Nations grounds than was good for us. Gradually what started as staring turned into fascination and we quickly became the “cool table.” Strangers were coming up begging me to sing with them, girls were flirting with Joanne, and some nice fella gave Terra the hat right off his head.

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Joanne, Terra & Me this summer

True to form Dillon was roughly an hour later than he said he’d be, but he made it. We laughed, we gossiped, talked of the family and old friends, sang a song or two, and even joked about these North Idaho people not knowing what to say to the gay girls. Most importantly he was kind to Terra and Joanne and made sure to hug them good bye. We made drunk plans to revisit the dive bar monthly and I hope we really do. It feels pretty glorious to have my brother back.

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Happy Coming Out Day

happy-1It’s Coming Out Day! I’ve officially been out for over a year and some months now and I genuinely couldn’t be happier. I’m not saying it’s all sunshine and roses all day, errday, but I’ll never regret living my authentic life. It’s definitely been worth dealing with the shitty things that have been said or done to me. In honor of today, I give you my list of the best things to happen since I came out.

  1. I live an authentic life.
  2. I routinely get to serve as “safe place” for others who want to come out or just ask questions without judgement. (Seriously. People message, text, and email me often. If you need an ear to listen, PLEASE feel free.
  3. My entire life makes more sense. Including my childhood and teenage years…
  4. In my own small way, I am helping to normalize the LGBTQ+ community
  5. Pride. It’s fun. I get to go and live freely. In the last calendar year alone, I attended three pride festivals, two pride cruises, and one pride parade.prideseattle-pride
  6. Maybe just a few people on this silly planet are learning a bit about love and tolerance.
  7. My friendships got realer. I may have lost a few, but I also gained plenty. The ones that stuck it out are the real deal.7-my-friendships-got-realer
  8. My kids know love is love is love. And they live and see that every day.8-my-kids-know-love-is-love-is-love
  9. I have the most honest and respectful relationship with my ex-husband that I’ve ever had.
  10. I met the love of my life.10-i-met-the-of-my-life

What’s your experience been? Feel free to share your story!

A Thankful Goodbye

Sometimes in a relationship, a hundred things could be totally right, but if 5 big things are totally wrong, it just might not work. Such is the story of me and the one commonly known on this little blog as “Girlfriend.” In fact, at this particular moment, “Girlfriend” hasn’t been my girlfriend for almost a month and a half. I have posted several things since our breakup, including A Little Bit Country. I wasn’t trying to hide that sometimes relationships fail. Basically anyone who’s had one ever knows that. My reason was two part: A. There was a very small possibility of a reunion. And B. honestly, I just didn’t know what the fuck to say.

I despise airing my own dirty laundry and don’t enjoy when other people do it either. At the same time, most of us live so publicly, people know who other people date, when, where, and even how. So when shit goes south, it’s tricky to  pretend they never existed. I can’t just delete every post in which she was referenced and be like, “What?… Who?…” That was a real relationship with real love, and real value, and real experiences. I acknowledge that. But now it has come to a close and I acknowledge that too.

There is no need to get into the “dirty laundry” portion. You already know. We had some rad times and some bad times. We fought, and argued, and said shitty things, and cried about it. Repeatedly. She did  always said we’d never make it. The first girlfriend is never the last. Maybe she was right. I don’t know. My romantic heart hopes she’s wrong, but who’s to say?

Guys, the thing is, no matter how much I sometimes wanted to totally punch her in the face, that relationship was important – and extra important for me. She found me sort of by accident right when I was newly separated and ready (for the first time ever) to openly date women (and so freaking excited about that.) She let me explore and she genuinely seemed to enjoy watching fresh-outta-the-closet me discover every friggin’ lesbian cliché possible. She was also there when I called my mom and let me cry after my mom cried. She set up play dates for my littles with lesbian mamas. She told me that yes I could keep blogging all my fashion and mommy blog things and have a lesbian blog. For all of this and more I will always appreciate her.  I hope we really do remain friends. She was not the girl for me, but she definitely helped me become the girl I’m meant to be and I wish her the best in all she ever does. Even if she never takes a chance on the “new girl” ever again. 😉

Cheers!

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