Shit you guys.

It happened again. I went like a hundred days without writing a goddamn thing. It’s like I was busy getting married to the love of my life or something. And then maybe raising 4 babies with her. Oh. Yeah. That is what I was doing. Don’t you dare come at me with your, “I know this girl with 8 kids and 17 dogs and she writes every day” nonsense, ‘cuz I already know. And you already know I’m not the kind of blogger. But guess what, I’m tryin. Again.

Let’s recap, shall we?

In my absence I got to….

Legally, actually fucking marry my dream girl:

 

 

Have a few adventures:

 

Send these little ducks back to school:

 

Oh and I got ranked as one of the top 100 LGBT bloggers of 2017. I’ll try to actually blog to hold onto my title. 😉

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Pride Month

It’s weird, but I really do forget how recently I actually came out. This is only my second June to be completely out there living a super gay life. In 2015 I was separated from my ex-husband, and knew which direction I was headed, but most the world did not. Last year Terra and I did go on the Lake Coeur d’Alene Pride Cruise, went to Spokane Pride with my littles, and then went to Seattle Pride. We had only been together three months, but she asked me to go to Seattle Pride with her within our first couple of days talking to each other. I also moved in with her last June.

Last Pride Month (also referred to as “June” by straight people) I was still getting my bearings. I was adjusting to being so out. I was learning about Pride. I was mourning and yet anxious over Pulse. Hell, I was still getting to know Terra, figuring her out and deciphering her Pride style. At the events we attended, we were also watching out for ex gfs, balancing friends, meeting people, and otherwise just not fully engaged on ourselves.

This year is so different. We both know what we want and verbalize that to each other. We typically agree, but have no problems checking out whatever the other is interested in. if she wants to go to the Seattle Pride White Party and I want to raise a sign at the Dyke March, we’ll do both. And enjoy both. We had a blast at this year’s Pride Cruise on Lake Coeur d’Alene. It didn’t seem as packed at last year but I just really enjoy that event. We had glorious weather and it’s a fantastic kick-off to summer and Pride. Rainbows and sunshine and beer and friends out on the Lake, what could be better?!

My friend (and maid of honor!) Holly came up and joined us. She is the BEST at making sure to take lots and lots of pictures. I should be way better at it, but at least I have her. And she always ends up getting some good ones of Terra and me. They aren’t always posed, but she even buzzed on cheap beer and armed with just her phone, she captures the joy and love between us. Proof:pride cruise kisspride cruise laure and terrapride cruise 2017 2

Maybe this last one seems like an odd pick. We don’t even know we are being photographed, but that’s just it. We are just so into each other we aren’t even aware of Holl’s shenanigans. You can’t fully see our faces, but you can tell exactly how we are looking at each other. The way Terra has her hand on me just makes me swoon.

This last week it was Spokane Pride. You guys, we were supposed to march at the very front. I ruined that by losing my things and thus causing us to be completely late, but that’s my life. :/ We still made it to wander around and gay it up in not only Terra’s rainbow hair, but also my own. spokane pride

I’ll update you all as more Pride things come along, but just know this year, we are doing Pride exactly right and LOVING it. Happy Pride month. signoff

Engayged AF (With Pictures to Prove It)

You guys. I am getting married in just over 5 weeks. (!!!) We have a place and people and plans. It’s goin’ down fur real.

And we even did engagement photos. In all honesty we did them awhile ago, but I was on my adjusting-to-new-job-and-new-schedule hiatus and I didn’t share. Guess it’s time to hurry up and get them posted since it’ll be time to share the wedding photos soon enough.

Terra’s maid of honor and friend of years graciously followed us around and took these. We didn’t do tons, but how many do we really need? 🙂 As much as I love her bike and think it’s super beautiful, the first one with the smiles and coffee is my favorite. I am in love with how we look at each other.

If you wanna see our full wedding website, check it here.

lesbian photo shoot: tinder couple with coffee

lesbian engagement shoot: Coffee mugs and rings

Lesbian Engagement Shoot: Coffee Mugs

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Lesbian Engagement Shoot Urban with a Harley

Motorcycle Lesbian Engagement  Photos | The Elle Word Blog

Motorcycle Lesbian Engagement Photos

Motorcycle Lesbian Engagement Photos | The Elle Word Blog

Motorcycle Lesbian Engagement Photo Session | Harley Davidson | The Elle Word BLog

Happy 7th Birthday, Valentine’s Baby

If you happened upon this post, or caught a bit of subtext in some others, or hell, if you happen to actually know me in real life, you know this year hasn’t always been the very best for my S. Since before that child was born *60 hours of labor, cough, cough*, she has been stubborn and willful and the kind of gal that marches to the beat of her own bongo. See here for some toddler reference.

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In the last couple of months there has been an incredible transformation. Sure, she’s still strong and willful and a bit on the stubborn side, but there is no more “clipping all the way down” almost weekly and landing in the counselors or principal’s office. Almost daily she is “clipping up” to “Role Model,” acting as student of the week, bringing home awards, and behaving in such a way that leads to mommy-happy-tears emails from her teacher. She tries to help out, assists with her annoying little brother and, I swear to god, even her room is clean. (Sure, I did most of it, but she’s maintaining it.)

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She has grown from an irritable, emotional, adjusting and sometimes violent level of strong and bold, to a more patient, responsible, accountable brand of strength. She hugs me and tells me she loves me every day. She astounds me academically, especially in math and science. Her passion for animals has never wavered. She sings and dances all around and gives zero fucks about being any kind of a princess in itchy dresses. She is one of the most balanced and awesome girls this earth has been blessed with.

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I can genuinely say I both admire and envy her. At SEVEN years old she has more backbone than I did at …. Shit. At least 23 or so. Her beauty is exterior in her cute, half toothless grin, chubby cheeks and big blue eyes. But her true beauty, what makes her most fascinating is her beautiful soul. I’m glad I had her when I did, and I’m glad I’ve reached a point in my life where I can be stong enough to raise a woman as strong as she. I never want to hinder her from the greatness I know she will find. I never want to cloud the pure sunshine in her heart. I never want to let her down. I know she leads me just as much as I lead her and I can’t wait to see where this next year of her life leads the both of us.

This morning, all six of us were up extra early to celebrate another year of this girl. We dined on fine chocolate chip muffins, strawberries and sparkling cider in plastic eyeglasses sniffing scented pencils. It was honestly great. I mean, sure, the moms throwing sack lunches together as fast as humanly possible while chugging coffee and water equally after too much the night prior. But that’s us. That’s our beautiful life and I know my baby girl seven year old genuinely enjoyed her quickly family’s cheers to her, AM celebration. Next up: Nachos, a “horse cake,” and headache-inducing karaoke.

Happy birthday, my Valentine’s Baby. I love you forever and I like you for always.

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En-GAY-ged!

Maybe you noticed I jumped back in here and wrote some things and then popped back out again all stealthy-like. Maybe you didn’t, but let’s just assume you did. And then assume that you are so curious as to why. You probably thought it was because I had some big secret plan brewing and I didn’t wanna spill the news or any sort of little hint. You probably thought it was all I was really thinking about to the point that it was causing me to text, message and call people more than usual and also maybe incessantly stalk the USPS tracking feature. If you thought all that shiz, you win. You were completely right.Light up thenight at promwith me-.jpgOn New Year’s Eve 2016 just a bit before midnight, I asked my beautiful girlfriend to marry me. Spoiler alert: she said yes. Every moment up until that was a just a wee bit stressful. I’m not kidding folks, that shit is harder than it looks. And every single person who has ever done all that write-a-song, tell-a-whole-20-minute-story, profess-undying-love-with-original-poetry brand of proposing has my never ending admiration. I was so nervous even a week before the actual proposal that I am pretty sure I had to create flashcards just to remember the phrase, “Marry Me.” But let’s go back a bit, shall we?

Obviously, I’ve got it bad, real bad for this woman. I uprooted my kids, career, and home to be closer to her and start building a new life and family with her. That’s kinda big. I mean, maybe less big amongst lesbians (u-haul is a term afterall…) but bigger than that move is what’s happened since then.  Love, growth, my kind of perfection. The kind you just know is right. The children have bonded with each other and with us, the mamas. I want this life forever. This is the woman I want every single day for always.This is the woman I want every sing day, for.pngFor me, it hasn’t been any more complicated than that. I don’t need a ring, or paper or anything to tell her I love her, and I will tell her I love her every single day. But it’s nice. It’s nice to show I’m serious and make plans. It’s nice I’m able to forge a permanent life for us and the kids.

I’ve told her I wanted to marry her. I’ve “fake” proposed at least half a dozen times. Hell, I’ve even fake married her a few times. Every single time I’ve said any of that, I meant it. No matter how silly or sloppy or totally drunk.  She is my person and I meant it each time I said so in any such way. But that isn’t enough. As the woman of my dreams, what she deserves is a decent proposal with an actual ring. So before I continued on with my pattern of awkward, mediocre love words, I needed to make it right. I needed it to be real and make sure she knew it was real.

I’ve had my eye on a certain jewelry style for some time and months ago found a little etsy artist that seems to do it just right. I knew it would take a while to be made and shipped, so before I could blow any more money on Christmas gifts that the children would break before January, I went for it and hit “buy.” From that moment on it was almost all I could think of. I spent all my time trying to predict the arrival date to plan for the right day, reading proposal stories & idea articles, writing speeches, and even made a video to do the job.

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As the days slunk by, the more I began to panic. Nothing was good enough. Nothing. Not me, not any fucking proposal on the planet. Not the ring. Seriously nothing. She’s a goddamn dream. How the flying fuck was I ever supposed to ramble my meager attempts at romantic prose with some little rock on metal and convince her she should totally promise me eternity? Every idea was too lame, too obvious, too cheesy, or too something. All the while I knew that if I was this nervous now, there’s basically no way I’d ever be able  to stutter a sentence in any human language.

I had been communicating with several friends about my plans, including Joanne. She is Terra’s best friend, so her input was helpful. Based on the arrival date of the ring I decided that New Year’s Eve was definitely the day. Then that crazy woman went and made our NYE plans into a whole group affair. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a badass buncha lesbians, but seriously? This is one time that even the thought of the limelight was strangling me. At that point basically all bets were off. I was pretty certain I wasn’t even gonna survive this. Joanne and I finalized a plan for me to take Terra out on the beautiful Coeur d’Alene boardwalk. Joanne would stay far enough behind and take pictures as I did the whole, lovely thing in the moonlight. Sounds great, right? It would have been except for all the things I didn’t account for. The extra people that I really wasn’t sure I wanted to do it in front of, the fact that we spent all day at a ski resort and my little pretty was exhausted and we had to bust ass just to be dressed and make it to the dinner reservations 10 minutes late, or the fact that it was somewhere around 9 degrees out and Terra didn’t bring a coat or even a jacket. None of it was working for me.

After dinner and settled in at the bar, Joanne and I had a couple of quick team meetings and decided I’d wait until the champagne toast and drop it in her glass. It’d be pretty, simple, warm, AND classy AF. Guess what. None of that exactly panned out either. After an evening of perspiration and anxiety I seized a quiet moment just a bit after 11:30. When Joanne’s sister brought a third round of chocolate cake shots, I semi-sneakily dropped the rings into her shot glass. (I fully acknowledge that this method was less class AF than the champagne plan.)

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Chocolate cake shots are delicious. So delicious that even as a tiny shot, a girl may be inclined to slow down and savor them. Thank goddess Terra did just that and didn’t choke to death. She was taking baby sips and I swear she must have seen the rings at least 5 times. This did nothing to help my surging anxiety as I was certain she saw and just decided to ignore them. Like a subtle, “Nah, I’m good.” On that next sip she caught them, dropped them on the table and asked, “what’s this?” I told her that I loved her more than anything and that I was really hoping she’d marry me and love me forever. I’m not real sure exactly what was said after that. Some version of yes, some other words, and a whole lot of hugging, holding, and making out right through until midnight.

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It really wasn’t the grand, glorious gesture my fiancé deserves. Joanne didn’t get to video or take photos of the actual event, but we got some dark and blurry phone pics that I’ve made the best of. And I get to marry the woman of my dreams.

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Holiday Happiness

I love to write. I really do. And I really, really love to blog. I love everything about it. I love pretty layouts and conversational feels and lots of photos. That said, no one likes the blogs that feel fake, staged and all to perfect. Especially when you happen to know the person irl—Which brings me to my silence of late. Maybe my shiz is just too perfect right now. I mean yeah, Saturday I neglected to get dressed, shower or even bother brushing my teeth, but that’s cuz I was busy just being with my beautiful girlfriend. After having all the kids for about two weeks straight It was nice to just be with her without stopping to find someone’s other glove, pour yet another glass of juice, or argue about whether bedtimes are necessary.

But that’s it. My biggest struggles in life right now are making foods that all the humans will eat and remembering where my keys are. Other than that, I have just been living. Living my every day to the fullest with the people I love the most.

This holiday season has been glorious already. It’s hectic and I wish I had more time off to slow down and enjoy it all, but it’s still fantastic.

We’ve made Christmas cookies:christmas-cookies

Played games:

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Created and worn far too many temporary tattoos:original

Met Darth Vader:img_1956

Played in the snow:img_1912

Cuz our ‘hood looks like this:

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But warmed up in an indoor water park:

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And had way to much fun with that damn elf I never said I’d be a part of. our elf on the shelf.png

And maybe used shopping centers for our our own, personal photo shoots.

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And frankly, I just love all of it.

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Happy Coming Out Day

happy-1It’s Coming Out Day! I’ve officially been out for over a year and some months now and I genuinely couldn’t be happier. I’m not saying it’s all sunshine and roses all day, errday, but I’ll never regret living my authentic life. It’s definitely been worth dealing with the shitty things that have been said or done to me. In honor of today, I give you my list of the best things to happen since I came out.

  1. I live an authentic life.
  2. I routinely get to serve as “safe place” for others who want to come out or just ask questions without judgement. (Seriously. People message, text, and email me often. If you need an ear to listen, PLEASE feel free.
  3. My entire life makes more sense. Including my childhood and teenage years…
  4. In my own small way, I am helping to normalize the LGBTQ+ community
  5. Pride. It’s fun. I get to go and live freely. In the last calendar year alone, I attended three pride festivals, two pride cruises, and one pride parade.prideseattle-pride
  6. Maybe just a few people on this silly planet are learning a bit about love and tolerance.
  7. My friendships got realer. I may have lost a few, but I also gained plenty. The ones that stuck it out are the real deal.7-my-friendships-got-realer
  8. My kids know love is love is love. And they live and see that every day.8-my-kids-know-love-is-love-is-love
  9. I have the most honest and respectful relationship with my ex-husband that I’ve ever had.
  10. I met the love of my life.10-i-met-the-of-my-life

What’s your experience been? Feel free to share your story!