I love to write. I really do. And I really, really love to blog. I love everything about it. I love pretty layouts and conversational feels and lots of photos. That said, no one likes the blogs that feel fake, staged and all to perfect. Especially when you happen to know the person irl—Which brings me to my silence of late. Maybe my shiz is just too perfect right now. I mean yeah, Saturday I neglected to get dressed, shower or even bother brushing my teeth, but that’s cuz I was busy just being with my beautiful girlfriend. After having all the kids for about two weeks straight It was nice to just be with her without stopping to find someone’s other glove, pour yet another glass of juice, or argue about whether bedtimes are necessary.
But that’s it. My biggest struggles in life right now are making foods that all the humans will eat and remembering where my keys are. Other than that, I have just been living. Living my every day to the fullest with the people I love the most.
This holiday season has been glorious already. It’s hectic and I wish I had more time off to slow down and enjoy it all, but it’s still fantastic.
We’ve made Christmas cookies:
Created and worn far too many temporary tattoos:
Met Darth Vader:
Played in the snow:
Cuz our ‘hood looks like this:
But warmed up in an indoor water park:
And had way to much fun with that damn elf I never said I’d be a part of.
And maybe used shopping centers for our our own, personal photo shoots.
And frankly, I just love all of it.
It’s Coming Out Day! I’ve officially been out for over a year and some months now and I genuinely couldn’t be happier. I’m not saying it’s all sunshine and roses all day, errday, but I’ll never regret living my authentic life. It’s definitely been worth dealing with the shitty things that have been said or done to me. In honor of today, I give you my list of the best things to happen since I came out.
- I live an authentic life.
- I routinely get to serve as “safe place” for others who want to come out or just ask questions without judgement. (Seriously. People message, text, and email me often. If you need an ear to listen, PLEASE feel free.
- My entire life makes more sense. Including my childhood and teenage years…
- In my own small way, I am helping to normalize the LGBTQ+ community
- Pride. It’s fun. I get to go and live freely. In the last calendar year alone, I attended three pride festivals, two pride cruises, and one pride parade.
- Maybe just a few people on this silly planet are learning a bit about love and tolerance.
- My friendships got realer. I may have lost a few, but I also gained plenty. The ones that stuck it out are the real deal.
- My kids know love is love is love. And they live and see that every day.
- I have the most honest and respectful relationship with my ex-husband that I’ve ever had.
- I met the love of my life.
What’s your experience been? Feel free to share your story!
If you have followed me and or my blogging at all, you know this one thing neva-eva changes: Sometimes I have a lot of shit going on and don’t write.
I told you I won Tinder, so as a lesbian, naturally that means I needed to move in with her as soon as possible. Nope. Not kidding.
So as you can imagine, planning, packing, moving, job hunting, interviewing, daycare searching and touring, school registering and touring, etc. and so on take up a considerable about of time. During this time, nothing in the world has been more important than just being and allowing all of us to adjust and assimilate and enjoy our new life rolling 6 deep.
All four kids are strong. All four are crazy. All four are stubborn and silly and vain and sometimes selfish. They are also fun and sweet and kind and loving. There is nothing more beautiful than seeing how much they take care of each other and just genuinely adore each other. I’m not saying that none of them every throw a punch or yell or send their mothers rushing toward the wine rack at exactly 8:10. I’m just saying they love and we are building a really beautiful life. I may not have written damn near anything all summer, but I had the most amazing summer.
All four headed to the theme park
Front yard fun
Camping and Fishing
Elementary kids 1st day of school
Boys 1st day of school
Oldest kicking it with the grownups
Random dress up
Sometimes in a relationship, a hundred things could be totally right, but if 5 big things are totally wrong, it just might not work. Such is the story of me and the one commonly known on this little blog as “Girlfriend.” In fact, at this particular moment, “Girlfriend” hasn’t been my girlfriend for almost a month and a half. I have posted several things since our breakup, including A Little Bit Country. I wasn’t trying to hide that sometimes relationships fail. Basically anyone who’s had one ever knows that. My reason was two part: A. There was a very small possibility of a reunion. And B. honestly, I just didn’t know what the fuck to say.
I despise airing my own dirty laundry and don’t enjoy when other people do it either. At the same time, most of us live so publicly, people know who other people date, when, where, and even how. So when shit goes south, it’s tricky to pretend they never existed. I can’t just delete every post in which she was referenced and be like, “What?… Who?…” That was a real relationship with real love, and real value, and real experiences. I acknowledge that. But now it has come to a close and I acknowledge that too.
There is no need to get into the “dirty laundry” portion. You already know. We had some rad times and some bad times. We fought, and argued, and said shitty things, and cried about it. Repeatedly. She did always said we’d never make it. The first girlfriend is never the last. Maybe she was right. I don’t know. My romantic heart hopes she’s wrong, but who’s to say?
Guys, the thing is, no matter how much I sometimes wanted to totally punch her in the face, that relationship was important – and extra important for me. She found me sort of by accident right when I was newly separated and ready (for the first time ever) to openly date women (and so freaking excited about that.) She let me explore and she genuinely seemed to enjoy watching fresh-outta-the-closet me discover every friggin’ lesbian cliché possible. She was also there when I called my mom and let me cry after my mom cried. She set up play dates for my littles with lesbian mamas. She told me that yes I could keep blogging all my fashion and mommy blog things and have a lesbian blog. For all of this and more I will always appreciate her. I hope we really do remain friends. She was not the girl for me, but she definitely helped me become the girl I’m meant to be and I wish her the best in all she ever does. Even if she never takes a chance on the “new girl” ever again. 😉
I promise I am totally writing out the whole story: The end of my marriage to Morgan, the beginning of my love with Dawn, how that impacts my little duckies, making a life and home in a small two bedroom apartment, the coming out story… ALL. OF. IT. But that’s sort of something that will be a bit like a keepsake to me. It’s life and it’s real and I know that not only will other readers read it, I will come back to it over and over again. So that post needs another day of writing and editing. Oh hell, who and I kidding? At least the whole weekend of writing and editing. Besides, right now I have this totally hot blonde meeting me in 18 minutes.
(Yup. I am so watching the clock…)
So with that in mind, I leave you with some pics of one of my first adventures with Dawn and my babes. Have a great weekend!